I owe it to you to explain what was going on in my head.

I know what you were trying to do with your comment, and I know it wasn't meant to be personal. It just made me question myself and my conduct and that can be confusing. Factor tests, the ISP, the shows I have to do in two hours, APs, and countless other things, and you have an overly-emotional Nick. I really really want you to know that I wasn't trying to huff off at you. I just felt myself getting emotional and I didn't want to break out the silly emotions when you were out with your friends trying to have a good time.

Just know that I love you and it isn't you that made me upset; it was just realizing I did something silly combined with the rest of the stress I've had during this crazy week. I'm really super glad you told me that I was doing something you didn't like, and I hope you'll always tell me if there's anything I'm doing that you'd want me to change.

On a separate note, Adam interpreted your post as being personal too, and he felt a bit confused and attacked. Maybe clarify that you want us to be careful, just like you did to me and I'm sure it'll clear everything up.

I'll wear your pride on my sleeve if you wear mine on yours. But, my ego's big enough as it is, and I don't want it getting out of hand.

You're gonna be free so soon. Just one short week and you'll be released into an unsuspecting world...

You've always been
a trigger with a finger on it
and I hope that I can be
a dry flint in summer
with my hammer cocked
so you can fire a shot
that will sound around the world and back to you.

Yeah, I know you're not perfect. Far from it. But you're the closest thing I've ever met and you're the only thing that's ever made me feel better.

I'll fight for you and with you through everything and, at the end of the day, could I love you more?

you're the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me. Don't forget.

"march 07, 2007

GOD, I LOVE YOU.
I love your voice, and your laugh, even your yawns and your coughs...
I love it when I can hear the smile in your voice, and when I can hear you thinking as you speak Japanese.
I love it when you tell me you love me a little quietly. When you call me "darling". When I can('t) hear that pause where we just don't want to hang up. It's so loud that I feel it.
Everytime.
All the little shadows and clots of whatever's going on vanish. I remember what it's like to feel so free. And I think we could talk for hours not even saying one word.

...Now the only thing I need is to actually have you across from me, to match the moving lips and eyes and cheeks and hands and body back to the heart and voice I've come to know so well.

I swear, you're the only thing I need in this world."


i hope you still feel this way. I sure do. I hope you can relax soon. I miss being silly with you, and it hurts me to see you stressed. i'm glad it's spring break so i can use the time to be here for you and maybe help shed some of your tears for you.

i love you more than i can tell you.