a smile i can't shake

Portez-moi a un lieu
où les mots ne vont pas,
où nos pensées ne sont pas des sons,

où il n'y a rien sauf le néant,

où nos atomes lourds peuvent dériver dans l'éther
et nous pouvons être libres.

I wonder where you are. I hope you're okay.

i'm playing chess to make myself stop worrying. I just love you.

I wish I could take back every single thing that I've ever done to hurt you. I wish I could redo every thing I didn't do for you.

I'm so fucking sorry.

First of all, I'm seriously sorry I worry so much about you. I try to chill, I promise.

Anyway, I love you! and I miss you. If you're not in the mood to skype tonight, don't worry! We'll have plenty of time tomorrow, I promise. Just imagine me cuddling up with you.

Luff. :D

"Maybe I should stop starting clubs and putting on plays."
"It's possible."
"I should work on picking up chicks. That's all anyone ever cares about. But it's not my forte."
"Don't worry, Max. You're like a clipper ship captain. You're married to the sea."
"Yeah, but I've been out to sea a long time."

We'll watch Rushmore together someday. :)

I hope it's all just stress. I love you so much. icanthelpbutworryyou'renotactinglikeyourselfatall

look once, look again
check it all from end to end
all things, however clear
may one day up and disappear!

9 /3

I hate seeing you so sad. but i'm here to help with absolutely anything. just let me know.

I hate that I worry about stuff like this, and I'm sure I'll be over it when the sun rises, but.

I'm so worried about the future. Not our future. I feel good about you and I. But, we live in such uncertain times... there aren't sovereign nations to be afraid of anymore, just ideas and peoples. I hate to sound so biggoted (I swear I'm not a bigot,) but Islam is making huge inroads in Europe, and its' a new type of immigration: the immigrants hate the culture of their new homes. Maybe I'm xenophobic, but I deal with immigration all the time here. I love it, because it makes the world so much more diverse, but that immigration scares me.

I don't know what struck me with such a fear of the future. I care about the world, I guess. I care about Europe especially. I guess I have this romantic image of it that I don't want destroyed...

Maybe I really am a bigot. Oh goodness, me and my 12:00am soul searching.

I love you, that's what I know for sure.

two stories, one annoying, one awesome.

annoying first: okay, so ff updated and somehow, ALL my bookmarks seem to have been replaced with my bookmarks from like, and are scrambled. which explains why i kept finding my way to this here page when i pressed my "open all in tabs" webcomics link. and all my remembered passwords are reset. lol wut.

the good story: I dug up those reduced shakespeare company CDs martha folded for me, and opened one of them to find a little, cut-out heart inside. made me smile. big. let her know for me?

I love you so much.

No matter what, I love you.
Always & forever.

Just imagine my smiling face whenever you need a push forward. :)

(ps, I was smiling while writing this) :D

Here's something that isn't Whitman.

Empty yourself: pour out every drop of your nectar
and let the world drink it. Save it for no one.
A full cup cannot be refilled.
A full cup has no purpose.

Blank pages are spittoons for the blood-filled saliva of the misunderstood,
Bedpans for the invalid discontent.
Or clear glass for the warmed-breath to loan their warmth
and use their pure fingers as pens,
scribbling vagrant art.
But today we will empty our bedpans and exhale a new permanence.

We can fly a kite in a lightning storm, but we can't stop this thing from what it's gonna be. Silly girl, that's just the way it is. How atoms turn into planets eventually.


A melody with nothing attached, like a thought without words to share it,
That's how sunrises happen in this mortal desert.
Two claps and the brink of dawn.

There is a world beneath our lessons or perhaps above them
in which we are still animals, but it is now forgotten,
drowned underneath the voices telling us to re-think.

For a brief second, I did not have to ask
because I knew that our hands are working
some deep magic from the forgotten lessons we never had to learn.

[Please save me.]

Sometimes I have dreams about the too-young woman, pressing her baby to her breast under a thick jacket, praying the baby doesn't make a sound. Letting her hands fall into practiced poses, aligning her spine to the lines she saw thousands of times as a child, removing the fire from her eyes. Telling the guard she's "just running an errand." Her feeling the breath and blood come back to her after he, in an act inexplicable to one who does not understand it, lets her go on, even though he was instructed to apprehend anyone he saw... why did he trust her?

"anything is possible while we exist."

"we'll get through this together."

I'm so glad we can work together when we're at our limits. It's the most wonderful feeling ever.

I'm sure you just fell asleep, but you know I can't help but worry.

I hope you see me in a dream tonight :) You're wonderful.

I wonder if something's on your mind...

I love you, and I always will.