You're in my room in your vowel and consonant shirt in the bathroom washing your watch off before you put it on. I just wanted you to know that right now, I'm the happiest I can remember being since we fell in love.

Thank you for everything.

And I love the best girl in the entire world.

And I can see her in just a week.

There was a sky today I wished you had seen. There are so many things here that I can't take with me in a picture.

I love you.

I'm sorry I can't be around for you. I know how much different the world seems without you, and I have no doubt that it's the same deal for you. I can tell that sometimes, right behind the words on your tongue, there's a "since when was the world so cold!" ready to pounce out. I wish we could huddle against each other for warmth, and soon enough we'll be able to. But I'm always here for you. Always.

I love you, honey. I'm off to bed, but promise me you'll smile for me.

I improvised shakespeare today and now I'm picking up the habit of speaking in rhyme to mess with people.

ALMOST 10. Holy shit. I'll keep saying this every day, but holy fucking shit I'm gonna see you so soon. I'm gonna start showering really thoroughly, or something.... What I would have given to say "10 days" when I was in the middle of school last year. I think that phase is pas[sed/t] now: we'll never have to go that long again. Also, Adam really wants to go to Japan. Which is great, but I think I want some time alone in Japan with you, too. I definitely want it to be just you, me and your friends in NJ, and maybe he can leave Japan before we do? Oh well, we'll figure it out. I just treasure every moment alone, you know?

And honey, I'm just so in love with you... [there was a time when I said I'd never keep a blog]

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The rain pours like water from a hose, visible only through the streetside lamps, bathing the cobblestone streets in gold. There is an ancient city underground here. It's one of the many things nobody's quite figured out about this town, but it seems like everyone pounces around, pretending nothing's strange. Maybe that's why people can drink whole pints of beer here; it helps them forget to wonder. Tonight, I'm letting my mind wander as the streetlamps tell me a story of love and longing and drama mills, and of boys pressed up against window sills.

Oh god, you look so fucking cute in that bathing suit... I'm so glad you had some fun surfing, too. PS, you're hot. For real.

I remember the turtle! And that all sounds like so much fun, as long as you're careful. I used to be a water person... hey, maybe I will be again someday, eh? You bring out the best in me.

ALSO, ELEVEN. "I'm getting anxious (super excited with a pinch of nervous)" pretty much sums it up. I'm so freaking excited. There are no words to even explain how excited I am to see you. We're getting into single digits soon! Oh shit, Midori...

I love you. So fucking much.

You're not a dumpster for other people's bile. You're so much greater than you can possibly imagine. I know you won't believe me (or maybe you will), but it's true: you're so full of life and energy and potential. Nothing can hold it in, especially some whiner. You're so much greater than I in so many ways, and someday it'll just all come pouring out whether you want it to or not. You can't contain it, it's just how you were made.

And the fact remains, there's no one in this entire world I want to spend my life with but you .

(sometimes you find hints in the oddest places)

want to know a secret?

we're always connected. always.

I wonder where you are now. I hope you're okay. I have to think you are.

Finally a morning to myself.

I love you, I love you, I love you. Seriously. I miss texting you, I miss IMing you, I miss calling you... but dear, I'll find a way to call. I'll get a calling card soon enough. They're expensive here, as is everything else, but it's fine. Anything for you.

I hope your happy there. I hope your presentation went well. I hope you don't miss me as much as I missed you in Africa, I hope that you're feeling better, I hope that you're luggage comes back to you... I hope a lot of things. But baby, I'm going to see you so soon now. So fucking soon. And I could NOT be more excited.

I love you, always and forever.

PS: Listening to These are the nights makes me swoon in a completely guilty way.

Hey you. I'm in my flat watching a porn documentary so I'm taking some time out to write this.

I love you honey. I miss you. I hope you're feeling well, and I hope this makes you feel better, if only a little bit.

I'm doing and seeing so much, and I have some great pictures. I walked around the town for 5 hours today exploring and looking at churches, etc... We did some flyering, met some people... it was fun! Good flat, I'm feeling good, it's nice.

Tell me how your presentation went. I love you so much.

I toyed with the idea of bringing Banquo to Edinburgh but I was afraid of him getting lost or damaged somehow, so I left him on my desk. He'll be waiting for when I get back.

I know it almost brought you to tears when that dick made you jump up and down and say " I love Nick," but it makes me feel so close to you when I think about the little heart inside that giraffe. That's the best kind of present, I think.

Finally a post without the freakin numbers.

I can't pretend like it didn't suck to not be able to talk to you. It sucked really hard, but I'm so glad you got an opportunity like that.

If your cell dies, you can call me from any phone at my cell number after 8 your time. I love you so much.

1.24

It hasn't sunk in that I leave so soon. It hasn't sunk in that I'm gonna spend so much time in a foreign country... all I can think about is you coming home. I think when you're finally back and we're finally all caught up I'll be ready to realize that I'm leaving. I'm so sorry I have to leave you just when you're back, but we'll talk, I promise... we'll talk all the time. I'll have internet, I'll have my phone, we'll be in touch all the time.

I love you, baby girl. I love you so fucking much.

Welcome home. Take a deep breath. You're home.

2!.25

Oh gosh, it's so close that you come home now... I have Sunday all planned out so that I'll get to catch up with you for as long as our hearts desire. Just thinking about getting to hear your voice again, not having to worry about time constraints, just talking to you and saying I love you again... ah, it makes me melt. I was thinking about you during rehearsal today. A lot.

I let my mind wander off and of course it found you, and while thinking about you, I thought I heard my mom said "where's her dad?" and I answered "oh, I don't know," to which she said "you don't know where your bag is?" I realized that she said "where's your bag," and I realized just how caught up in my daydreams I was...

I love you, Midori. It makes me feel so good to say it. I can't believe how soon I see you... Edinburgh will go by so fast. It seems like so long that I've been waiting (seems like? has been) for that day, and now it's so close... it's almost overwhelming. But I'm so excited. So, so excited. I hope it doesn't go by too fast. I hope so many things. I need to stop, and just let it happen as it will.

God, I can't wait. But just having you to talk to will make a world of difference. Love.

3.26

So close to talking to you again... I've been counting down the days (though I think you've noticed by now, haha.) I love you, dear.

5.29

You were right about what you said all that time ago. It doesn't matter what happens. We belong.

EDIT 2.30 am, 11.30 am your time: I can tell when something's wrong, even if you're in Africa, even if we haven't talked in days. I can tell.

6.30

Try not to go broke trying to get in touch with me, darling. I do love to hear from you, but, I don't want you to sacrifice where it isn't necessary.

I just finished my final Harry Potter... a sad event in my life to be sure, but I know it's something I'll get to share with my kids someday, and, much sooner, with you! I really can't wait till you read it. I know you'll find it trite at times but I'm sure entertaining and I have no doubt you'll take something away from it, as well.

I love you so much. I know I say it in every communication, but I can never say it enough. I always will, and I guess it feels like I always have.

Forever.

7.31

Thank you so much for the phone call. That five minutes meant the world to me, I mean it. I hate to say it, but I missed you so fucking much, and it hurts so fucking badly to have you away from me. Even working six days a week from 9 to 9 and playing videogames or reading Harry Potter in the offtime can't remedy it. I hate to say I need anyone, but I feel so different without you, even with my friends around. But even thinking about you saying "I love you" makes me feel so much warmer, better. I wish your friends weren't around when you called, I guess, but. I wish a few things more than that particular wish, so hey.

I hope you'll get a chance to email again. I love you, Midori.