It's that moment when you inhale before you say something, and at the crest of your breath you realize there isn't anything waiting to come out. It's the moment where you stop your breath sharply, and you let it ooze out of you as you digest the new input.
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It's Faeber, not Fayber!

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In 8th grade, Serena threw Adam a birthday party at her house. Alison was there (which is hard to even comprehend now), and we watched Indiana Jones, and Adam and Spencer popped balloons with their pocket knives. It was the first time I'd ever had real friends, and felt like I was with people who accept me. But I didn't realize that until just now. I was going out with Sarah at the time, and I was just so safe and happy! And when that faded, I couldn't let go of Adam's 14th birthday party.

And I didn't find the belonging again until you came and visited. And I didn't find the happiness and safety again until the moment after you kissed me, when you came in for another kiss and I realized we were both happy about it.

I don't want you worrying about me. I'm fine. It just took a gentle nudge from my best friend.